By Faith kordoo
Is it just me or there’s so much emphasis on a female child being trained and taught all the rudiments of being a ‘good wife’ in the Nigerian society with little or no attention being placed on raising male children to be ‘good husbands’?
Most males grow up with an already established ideology of making money and marrying a good wife without really losing sleep on the thought of being ‘good husbands.’ They express their desires to marry a female who is a wife material of as many yards as possible and bother very little about being husband materials themselves. They are more about making money and having trophy wives, than wanting to be trophy husbands, obsolete woman is by default expected to make being a good wife part of her top priorities, as a result, a woman with a character flaw is reprimanded and told that no man will marry her with an attitude like that, but society makes it look like the character flaws of a man can or should be overlooked once he has money.
The world is evolving, things are charging, people and nations are expanding their horizons and it’s important for the Nigerian society to adjust her views in regards to this.
The whole idea that a female child needs to be groomed and equipped to be marriageable or face the consequences of retaining unmarried or failing in marriage is, shallow, myopic and very obsolete. There’s a need, an urgent need to bring the male community into this ‘matrimonial training’.
Marriage as we all known clearly involves two people and it takes both a good wife and an equally good husband to have a good marriage. While the females might have a natural knack for nurturing and caring, no woman is born a ‘wife’, the same way no man is born a ‘husband’, despite the natural male inclination to provide and be in control.
Though there are no laid down rules or manual as to how these things work, the aim of this is to make us think of how much positive impact it will have on the society and marriages making a male child know that aside making money and wishing to marry a trophy wife, that working to be a trophy husband is also important.
So, if women can start receiving trainings from a tender age to help them be good wives, why can’t men undergo similar trainings to help them become good husbands from a tender age as well?
We need to train and encourage male children to consciously work and walk towards being good husbands. Remind them that there’s more to being married other than just being a ‘financial head’ of the family. These males should be taught from boyhood that being disrespectful and violent to their wives doesn’t make them strong men. It really doesn’t but but some men do not know this. It’s important to note that there’s a difference between being a good parent and being a good spouse, let’s save this for another day.
Of course, there are bad wives out there and it will be inappropriate not to point out the fact that there are good husbands who are married to bad wives.
But, what about those women who are married to bad husbands? Those who are only staying in a marriage with a poorly raised man because of their kids or what society will say about them? I’d love to at this junction, point out that I understand that what makes one marriageable varies and is highly relative, seeing that what works in one home, life or society may not work in another.
Despite this, it is however a prerequisite that families invest an equal amount of time into training boys and girls to be marriageable.
We need to upgrade the ‘home training app’, because our society needs just as much husband materials as it needs wife materials.